Newsflash.

Three more funty affiliates will be summoned for an island holiday which, by years of reliable feedback, will be much enjoyable.

Firstly, the three suckers will not have to pay a single penny for this remarkable once in a lifetime experience of fun, but will be paid instead. Well isnt that so appealing.

Upon reaching the so-called island of fun the three 'ricroots' (a snazzy term used to name the new tourists of the island) will be welcomed by a grand eye-opening ceremony followed by a series of extremely interesting lectures which will guarantee cure those with insomnia. The ricroots will definitely enjoy themselves very much and not yearn for home one bit. Seriously.

The staff on the holiday island will be very warm and friendly, occasionally raising their voices for no apparent reason till the worst case scenario is some ricroot cries. These vocally enhanced staff are often misunderstood for meanies, but rest assured that they are just concerned that the fun-filled activities are not loudly exclaimed to the ricroots' benefit. The all-time motto of the island staff is "Torture is like GIVING PRESENTS. It is best when there is NO OCCASION AT ALL,"

The daily activities are really really fun. Did i mention really really fun? The most reputable activity starts every morning. Knowned as 'peetee'(yes a dumbass name, but fun nonetheless)the ricroots will be ordered to stretch themselves in various hilarious positions and the objective is not to laugh. Whosoever laughs or merely snicker will be reprimanded.

The ricroots will get to play with life sized toy guns (isnt that every boy's dream?) as well as hand grenades. The catch is the ricroots will not be able to throw the grenades anywhere they please, which is indeed a bummer. Nonetheless, ricroots will also play hide and seek in the forests of the island, where the staff gets to seek out the ricroots, and if they are found, a fun forfeit follows. This forfeit usually comes with a series of a hundred or more push ups, if not, a lollipop. Ok im kidding.

The amenities on the island are respectable, of course. The ricroots will get to sleep in kingkoil beds in large rooms, with perfect air conditioning. The rooms will be kept dusty before the ricroots bunk in so they can clean up the room when they are feeling bored and unoccupied. Isnt that considerate.

The ricroots will also receive satisfying meals which they can choose from. The food in the huge cookhouse contains plenty of carbos and protein, required for their daily fun-filled activities. But if they are naughty, they only receive food which resemble toothpaste.

At the end of a 2 half month period, the ricroots will be told that they are now experienced enough to be called ricroots, and hence they get 'promoted' (actually this is merely a gimmick to make the suckers happy). New names are given to different tourists of different skills and abilities. The best ricroots are actually very awful and are hence promoted as 'Awfusers'. And the sissy ones go to 'SISsyPEC'. Those retarded ones go MAD-dic.

The holiday island receives an enormous intake of excited tourists yearly. That is because they are all paid to go in, duh. But surprisingly still, the island generates adequate moolah to keep this island of fun running for over 30 years. -rootuhs

Please do not condemn the writer for any inconsistent information.